My Fertility Is None Of Your Business. Stop Asking.

Why does everyone ask about peoples fertility like its their business? That is what I am going to be discussing throughout this blog post, and sharing ways on how I deal with questions that are for one nobody's business, and two things I just don't want to answer and don't have to answer most importantly. I am going to go over the main questions I have heard myself, and then at the end of this post tell you how I have learnt to answer them with setting clear boundaries that are not rude yet firm.

"When are you guys going to try for a baby? (Or baby #2)?"

A very common question for couples. And honestly how strangers think they can just ask this question so willy-nilly is beyond me. They have no idea if someone has tried for years and cannot conceive. They have no idea if they just lost a baby. There are to many variables for someone to just think this question doesn't leave behind damage. I myself have dealt with second infertility for 10 years and that question of when my son is getting a sibling was sometimes debilitating. I am now 20 weeks pregnant with my miracle baby boy but that blessing does not come easily.

"You would be such an amazing mom you need to have a baby (or have more children)"

Did you know that now all women want to be moms? And there is NOTHING wrong with that. I repeat there is NOTHING WRONG with not wanting to be a mother. Having children is a huge responsibility and if you don't know if you truly want them it is the responsible thing to wait and see if you do. Never ever judge a woman for not wanting children. Just because they don't feel like forming to your idea of what a woman "should do" doesn't make it wrong. I applaud women who want children just as much as the woman who says motherhood is not for me.

When it comes to questions like these I try not to let it enrage me. But I have learnt that I do not have to answer them. I used to awkwardly laugh it off and say "I'm not sure" or "Maybe one day". But after years of these questions asking about baby #2 after my son was born and after years of trying for baby #2 with zero luck I slowly realized that I can politely and firmly answer these questions. Not only for my own sanity but maybe for the next woman who just had back to back miscarriages. My response turned into something like this. "Actually my fertility has been a struggle and we have tried for years for baby number 2 with no luck, answering this question can be pretty difficult for women so I suggest you don't ask it unless they choose to".

And I know alot of you are going to say OMG i could never say that to their face. YES, you can. They are the ones out of line not you. Say it with a polite tone and I promise you not only will you feel in control of the situation but you are helping any other moms and dads who are struggling with fertility.

I know its hard girl fertility is not easy but you got this. Your doing the best you can. Sending all you trying to conceive ladies all the baby dust and love. Don't ever hesitate to stand up remember YOUR fertility is none of THEIR business.

xo

Motherhood Unplugged